woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
