I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
