i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
