I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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