I want to have your abortion
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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