Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You pole danced in your parka.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
