; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
