I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
