I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Little spoons don't ask big questions
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
