walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Send help, water and tortillas.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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