Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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