THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
