I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
