You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
