You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
