are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
