i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
