I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
