so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
