is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
