the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
