Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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