I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
