you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
