So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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