i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
