Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
