im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
