it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
