I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
