Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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