is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
