We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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