I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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