He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
