you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
