So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
