apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
