I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
