i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
