first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
