Too much gin, very little bucket
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
