Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
