Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
