OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize