the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize