Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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