No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
