His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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