She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
