I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
