ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
