Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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