dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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