Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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