This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think people are normalizing furries
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
