hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
