i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
