OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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