On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
