so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
