I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
