Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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