Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
