I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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