Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
