So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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