How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
