Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
