How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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