"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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