K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
