I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
