perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
