how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
